her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
