okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think my vagina is haunted
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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