Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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