I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
