Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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