he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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