his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
