Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize