i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
