He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
