You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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