I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
