I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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