How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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