I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
