I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
