I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
