wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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