im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
