Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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