i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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