I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize