if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
