apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
