I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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