2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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