C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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