a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
