From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
