There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he told me I talked like a deaf person
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
