There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
