What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
