Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
