Got a toothbrush?
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You have to summon your inner elephant
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
