I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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