I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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