I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
ok first of all what the fuck
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
