yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
