fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
