she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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