How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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