There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
