I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
if only i could text you this smell
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
