I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
