hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
