Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
