There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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