Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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