If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
