i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
