i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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