I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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