Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize