guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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