He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
