So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
