I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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