I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
