Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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