How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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