Just cropdusted the office
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
