I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Randomize