Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Randomize
