are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
