he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
