I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
