This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
