so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
