When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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