He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
