so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
