Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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