she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
