Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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