At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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