I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
