On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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