what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
