My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
