he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
