is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
