I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
