Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
