Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize