Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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