I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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