I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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