Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
