i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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